Newest jokes

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
→ A beer-a-cuda!

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house.

He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.

- What a terrible weather today, honey. - he said to her.

- Yes. And my idiot went fishing!

What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.
→ Three Men And A Baby

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said:

- My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars.

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said:

- Okay, where's my hundred dollars?

The man said:

- Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said:

- Just my luck. How much do I owe you?

I was glad when one fish got away.

There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!

What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
→ Anything you like, he can't hear you.

Where do fish sleep?
→ In a river bed

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
→ I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
→ You can't tuna fish.

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.