Newest jokes

A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

Psychiatrist to his nurse:

- Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'

What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
→ A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

Men don't get lost; they discover alternative destinations.

Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.

What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly and poor woman?
→ Desperate!

This man says to his friend, "I stopped driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit there and hold the wheel."

A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."

Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."

How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.