Newest jokes

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
→ Sparky

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
→ If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?
→ It's ass.

Why does an elephant have four feet?
→ Because it would look silly with six inches.

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?
→ 'cause he was dead...

Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree?
→ 'cause he was dead too...

Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?
→ peer pressure...

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?
→ Scared the hell out of the dog.

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?
→ Sparky

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.