A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.
- Listen - said the shoplifter.
- I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said:
- This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?
What has dual airbags and has lots of room?
→ The White House.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
- If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
- But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
- This is my final position, and I will not compromise!
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
- What do you do if you make a mistake on a case? - the minister asked.
- Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant - replied the lawyer.
- What do you do? - lawyer asked.
- Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go - minister replied.
Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race.
→ The American people.
How long does a United States Congressman serve?
→ Until he gets caught.
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!
Once a madman said:
- Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat?
Another madman said:
- Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan.
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said:
- We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work.
An Englishman said:
- We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks.
The Irishman says:
- That's nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man's body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks.
The American says:
- Well hell, that's nothin'. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin' for work!
