Newest jokes

Why did God give men larger brains than dogs?
→ So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex?
→ Because he's plugged into a woman!

What food best describes a man?
→ Jerky

How do you scare a man?
→ Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Man walks into a supermarket and buys:

- 1 bar of soap

- 1 toothbrush

- 1 tube toothpaste

- 1 loaf of bread

- 1 pint of milk

- 1 single serving cereal

- 1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says:

- Single are you?

The man replies very sarcastically:

- How did you guess?

She replies:

- because you're ugly.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop".

Men are like...

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.

They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

How do men sort their laundry?
→ "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
→ In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed.