A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
- Oh Lord - prayed the missionary.
- Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion.
And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:
- Oh Lord - he prayed.
- I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive.
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was.
- Oh that's easy - the man replied.
- His name is Andy.
- What make you think his name is Andy? - the angel asked incredulously.
- Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'
Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
→ Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
- Doctor: Your recovery was a miracle!
- Patient: PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
→ A roamin' Catholic!
Why did God create man before woman?
→ He didn't want any advice.
When was the longest day in the Bible?
→ The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Why didn't Noah go fishing?
→ He only had two worms!
Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
→ The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!
One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.
She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.
His mother smiled and said:
- The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid.
The little boy opened the back door a little and said:
- Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom.
