Newest jokes

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says:

- Did you see that?

- No - the second guy says.

- Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead - the first guy says.

- Oh - says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says:

- Did you see that?

- See what? - the second guy asks.

- Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.

- Oh.

A few minutes later the first guy says:

- Did you see that?

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says:

- Yes, I did!

And the first guy says:

- Then why did you step in it?

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said:

- The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.

They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other:

- Do you know where we are?

- I think so - replied the other hunter.

- I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in.

Remarked one of the fisherman:

- That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says:

- Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?

The other guy says:

- Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other:

- This is the place!

The other replied:

- No, it's not!

The first man said:

- Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied:

- Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover.

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:

- Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check.

In a short time he received the following reply:

- Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine.

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.

- Watson, look up. What do you see?

- Well, I see thousands of stars.

- And what does that mean to you?

- Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?

- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend:

- Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend:

- Did you mark that spot?

His friend replied:

- Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.

The first one said:

- You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father:

- How does this boat float?

The father replied:

- Don't rightly know son.

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked:

- How do fish breath underwater?

Once again the father replied:

- Don't rightly know son.

A little later the boy asked his father:

- Why is the sky blue?

Again, the father repied:

- Don't rightly know son.

Finally, the boy asked his father:

- Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?

The father replied:

- Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'.

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in.

While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them!

The man replied:

- Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.