Newest jokes

There was a little red man who lived in a little red house on a little red street in a little red town. Now this little red man wanted to take a little red shower so he put his little red towel on the little red towel rack. Just as he was about to get in, the little red doorbell rang.

So he put his little red towel around his little red waist and went to the little red door. He opened the little red door and there stood a woman.

Just then a big gust of wind came and blew the little red towel away. The woman screamed, ran accross the road and got hit by a car.

The moral of the story?
→ Never run accross the road when the little red man is flashing.

yo momma's so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose!

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.

After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg.

Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg.

- What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?

- Umm, well that was before he got circumcised.

yo momma so stupid that she asked you what kind of jeans you had on. And you said Guess so she said Levi's.

A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?
→ A LIGHTHOUSE!!!

What do you call a guy who hangs around?
→ Art!

A recent survey carried out by a leading soft drink manufacturer in Disneyland produced some strange results.

Mickey Mouse like Coca-Cola, while Minnie prefers Pepsi.

Donald Duck likes Dr. Pepper, while Daisy prefers RootBeer.

Pluto likes plain old lemonade, as does Goofy.

But Snow White adores 7up.

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asks:

- How many grains of sand are on the beach? needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class:

- How many stars are in the sky? and again no one could answer.

Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says:

- here's this week's question - Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says:

- ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says:

- Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!

How is a dog's tail like the center of a tree?
→ It's furthest from the bark!

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

- Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

- None - replied Johnny - cause the rest would fly away.

- Well, the answer is four - said the teacher - but I like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnny says:

- I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?

- Well - said the teacher nervously - I guess the one sucking the cone.

- No - said Little Johnny - the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking.