A bridegroom, the first night he was in bed with his bride, said:
- When I solicited your chastity, if you had granted, I would not have married you.
- Faith, I thought as much - said the cunning lady.
- but as I had been cheated two or three times before, I was determined not to be fool'd again!
Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.
The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.
- So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?
- Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking.
- Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore...
The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars.
- Come to bed, darling - she whispered after some time had passed.
- Not likely - replied the blonde groom, my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it.
A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.
The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said:
- Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?
His bride replied:
- You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!
- It's just to hot to wear clothes today - said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
- Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?
- Probably that I married you for your money.
Jill tells her husband:
- Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
- Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?
- Gosh - Jack says, why I hardly know the girl!
- Honey, I have a confession to make - a guy told his bride.
- I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season.
- Well, dear - she murmured.
- I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker.
- No big deal - replied the groom.
- Just keep your head down and your left arm straight!
- I'm fed up with your jealousy - the furious wife told her husband.
- Do you think I don't realize you're having me followed by a detective who's tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, although a little shy at first?
Here lies my wife in earthy mould; when she lived did naught but scold.
Good friends go softly in your walking; lest she should wake and rise up talking.
Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter that was single.
One day he decides to throw a huge party, during the party he announces:
- My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give 1 million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!
As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large splash! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might, the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed, he said:
- My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain, which do you want my daughter or the 1 million dollars?
The guy says:
- Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!
