Cute Want Ads

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

• 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
• COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
• FREE PUPPIES: PART COCKER SPANIEL - PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
• GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
• FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
• BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
• FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.
• GEORGIA PEACHES- CALIFORNIA GROWN -89 cents lb.
• JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
• COMMUNITY HEADLINE: ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!
• GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.