New Computer Viruses

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.

Beware of...

- THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

- THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

- THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)

- THE RONALD REAGAN virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

- THE MIKE TYSON virus....(Quits after two bytes)

- THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)

- THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....(Deletes all old files)

- THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)

- THE PROZAC virus....(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)

- THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)

- THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)

...and last but not least...

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus...(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)