Church Bulletin Bloopers

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
• The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
• The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
• The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
• Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
• Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.
  Name: Bertha Belch.
  Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
• Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
• The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall.
  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!