Rules For Dieting
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- If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
- If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.
- When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.
- Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.
- Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
- Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
- If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
- If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
- Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.
- STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
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