- "Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
- "I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead"
- "Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat"
- "Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton"
- "Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"
- "Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes... Use Birth Control"
- "If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees"
- "If You Can Read This...
Kiss A Teecher"
- "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
- "If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There"
- "Procrastinate Now"
- "Rehab Is for Quitters"
- (Across a drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man"
- "My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse... .... He Couldn't do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"
- "The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Harley"
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