Job Interview No-Nos

If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:

- You could do worse.

- I'll work so hard you won't even know I'm there.

- I'll need all my paid vacation time up front so I'll be rested when I start.

- You can't turn me down because I smell bad. You have to have a reason.

- If you call the people I listed as references, please call my parole officer last.

- That big thing growing on my face isn't my fault.

- I don't do drugs at work any more. And I probably won't

- I can go all day without peeing once.

- If you hired my dumbass brother then you can surely hire me.

- If you hire me I promise not to say anything about the your wicked bad breath.

- I won't sue you when you fire me.

- My arrest record is all a bunch of lies.

- Iff you kin reed my handriting, ain't that gud enuff fer me to get the job?

- I was a sniper in the Army.

- The only reason my grades in High School was so bad was because all the teachers thought I was stupid because I didn't pass the tests. They wasn't being fair to me because they don't like me.

- I can make explosives from Windex, white-out, and copy machine toner.

- If you hire me you can blow your nose on my sleeve any time you want to.

- I'll need a company car and a driver because I can't legally drive anywhere in the Western Hemisphere except Cuba and it sucks to go there.

- If you hire me don't tell the Welfare until I get my Jeep paid off.

- The sticky stuff on my sleeve isn't what you think.

- You don't have the BALLS to hire someone like me!

- If you hire me I will show up. That's all I can promise for sure, but maybe it will be better than that and I will sure try.

- When do we eat?

- How long do I have to work here before I can collect unemployment again?

- Don't go checking into my record, but if you do, she swore she was 18.

- I don't hear the voices anymore. Do not. Do not. Do not. SHUT UP!!!

- If you give me a job you're OK but if you don't you suck.

- I don't DO applications.

- If I work here I'll wear the stupid uniform as long as I can wear any kind of underwear I want.

- This will be my first job since the Beatles broke up because they really pissed me off!

- I won't have to do anything, will I

- If I get sick on the job, will I have to clean up my own puke?

- Can I bring my goat to the company daycare center?

- I collect guns. You probably want to tell me that I got the job now, right?

- I'm not what? Oh yeah? Well here's what you can do with your friggin' job...