Old Is When

"Old" is when...

• your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
• your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
• a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
• you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
• going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
• when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
• when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
• "getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
• "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
• an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.

What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?