- AMEN The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
- BULLETIN Your receipt for attending Mass.
- CHOIR A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
- HYMN A song of praise usually sung in a key two octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
- RECESSIONAL HYMN The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
- INCENSE Holy Smoke!
- JUSTICE When kids have kids of their own.
- PEW A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
- RECESSIONAL The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
- RELICS People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
- TEN COMMANDMENTS The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
- USHERS The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
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