More Blonde Q and A's

WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
→ It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
→ The noise gave her a headache.

WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
→ From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
→ She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
→ They don't know the route.

Why do blondes work seven days a week?
→ So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
→ Elvis has been sighted.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
→ Some traffic signs say stop.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
→ The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
→ She turned it over and used the other side.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
→ "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
→ She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
→ Bury a blonde.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
→ Wave to her.

How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
→ With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

How does a blonde get pregnant?
→ And I thought blondes were dumb

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
→ Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
→ (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

How do you kill a blonde?
→ Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
→ They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

How do you drown a blond?
→ Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
→ Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

How does a blonde high-5?
→ She smacks herself in the forehead.

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
→ Flattered.

What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
→ A know-it-all bitch.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
→ To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
→ Hair transplants.

WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
→ Third Grade.