Not a Real Baseball Team

Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team
From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

• You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
• Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
• They keep shouting "Do over!"
• When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French.
• Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
• First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
• Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
• Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
• You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
• They play like the Mets