Lawyer Riddles

How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
→ You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
→ Shoot the lawyer twice.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
→ A good start!

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
→ His lips are moving.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
→ There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
→ Professional courtesy.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
→ Not enough sand.

Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
→ To practice.

A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"

The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"

Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
→ Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
→ Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
→ The lawyer charges more.