Temperature Guide

Temperatures

• 60 degrees - Californians put their sweaters on.
• 50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat.
• 45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.
• 40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
• 35 degrees - Italians cars don't start.
• 32 degrees - Water freezes.
• 30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia.
• 25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.
• 20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
• 15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
• 10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
• 5 degrees - American cars don't start.
• 0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
• -10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you step outside.
• -15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist.
• -20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start.
• -25 degrees - Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to get the driver going.
• -30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start.
• -40 degrees - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you plan your trip South.
• -50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window.
• -80 degrees - Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.
• -90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
• -100 degrees - Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all. Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button. Santa moves operations to Panama.