NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.
In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh. The…
Dear Santa: We're worried about you.
From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts. The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Ill.
Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition…
After Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils to write an essay about how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:
We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on…
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or…
Unusual Case by William A. Morton, Jr, MD
From "Medical Aspects Of Human Sexuality" July, 1991 p. 15
Scrotum Self-Repair
One morning, I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little…
Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.
Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork.
If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught…
Obesity has been getting a lot of bad press recently. Research conducted entirely by thin people, has uncovered justification for their own masochistic obsessive-compulsive, fun-killing anal retentative lifestyles.
One of the great problems with research, of course, is that the researchers tend to find what they're looking for. And when they find it, they stop looking for other things. It's important, therefore, not…
It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine."
He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus.
- Diabetes - he said - is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they…
Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible.
When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason..." ditty, say:
- Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!
or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see "Jesus Christ Superstar" with his mother on the night of your anniversary.
