Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He…
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one:
- Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?
So the first man replies:
- Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to…
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded:
- Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
- It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
- So, how are you getting there?
- We're taking TWA - was the reply.
- We got a great rate!
For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:
- Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
- No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this 'unusual' handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had…
There were these three brothers that were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar on every Friday at 5:30 on the dot. When the brothers got married they all got married to their wifes to be on the same day and at the same place.
When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they all promised each other that they would still go to the bar every…
A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the 3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the amount of money involved.
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster. The current rooster was still doing okay, but he was getting on in years, and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium and turns him loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried.
A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her.
- Don't let me spoil a good time for you - she said.
After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.
The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream.
Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it.
Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear…
