POLITICALLY CORRECT SEASONS GREETINGS
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern hemisphere summer solstice, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the…
LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET
Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet
NEW YORK--A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a Children's Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet will soon join the show's cast.
"The letter D is proud to have brought you many wonderful Sesame Street episodes…
There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.
Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a…
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out…
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a check for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I…
Immodest Proposal #1: Daylight Savings Time Reform
It happens every spring: crocuses, baseball (with any luck), and the switch to Daylight Savings Time (DST).
Coming off DST is not hard. In the Fall, we set our clocks back one hour. We all get an extra hour to sleep, and those who forget find themselves at church, or the airport, or wherever an hour early. Embarassing, but not catastrophic.
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.
"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the…
Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California and Massachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass.
Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba" and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English…
Featuring a PC Primer and Revised PC Lexicon
by Saul Jerushalmy & Rens Zbignieuw X.
"...In order to forge a cosmic accord of unprecedented unity and harmony, The Politically Correct Movement demands that all people, regardless of prior social preconditioning must accept the incipient world order that will offer unlimited bliss and contentment. Dammit." Prof. Dr. Skippy "Houng Lau" Whitmore, Berkeley CA, 1965
TO: ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES
FROM: GOVERNING BORED
DATE: 22 APR 1986
