Dear Tech Support:
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.
Apple Corporation Sues Itself.
[AP] In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads, Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computers Corporation. The company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own machines which has helped to make the company famous.
An Apple Spokesperson stated "This is no joke. If we don't protect our copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we…
From the Echoes-Sentines [?], Somerset County, NJ, Sept. 17, 1987:
GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTER
PASSAIC TWP. -- A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police.
The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p.m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots…
SEVEN SOFTWARE COMPANIES ADDED TO "WATCH LIST"
New York, NJ, Nov. 11 -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today that seven more software companies have been added to the group's "watch list" of companies that regularly practice software testing.
"There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like these can market new products," said Ken Granola, spokesperson…
Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)
As the incidence and prevalence of Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) has been increasing exponentially, a support group. The Internet Addiction Support Group (IASG) has been established. Below are the official criteria for the diagnosis of IAD and subscription information for the IASG.
A maladaptive pattern of Internet use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress as…
Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol
By Vince Sabio, HumourNet Communications, Ltd.
REDMOND, Wash (UPI) - Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known "trademark" symbol, formerly denoted as "tm" in most print media. The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have not yet been registered with the U.S. Patent…
Solitaire '99
Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire '98
README file, v4.3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
- Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?
- Geordi: Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Redmond, WA -- Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.
"The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally…
