Osama Cave Memo
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team," as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns.
(Long but VERY Funny!)
8:05am: User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too?
8:12am: Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged…
This memo is to announce the development of a new firm-wide software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that…
Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to…
Long, but really funny...from a Company in USA. DATE: October 01, 2003RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up…
***************************************************** CHRISTMAS PARTY*****************************************************FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: December 1RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take placeon December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open PitBarbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a…
Your resume is a crucial document that summarises the essence of your being to a potential employer. You must grab a personnel director's attention with your sheer, overpowering wonderfulness, or your vitae will wind up lining the bottom of her parakeet's cage. Write a boring resume and you might as well run down now and join the other unemployed grads behind the appliance store, fighting…
A Cat Owner's Story
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the…
TO: ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES
FROM: GOVERNING BORED
DATE: 22 APR 1986
In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
