THE IRS LETTER... Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair, since they are minors and not my responsbility, that the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs) knows something…
Long, but really funny...from a Company in USA. DATE: October 01, 2003RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up…
***************************************************** CHRISTMAS PARTY*****************************************************FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: December 1RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take placeon December 23, starting at noon, in the banquet room at Luigi's Open PitBarbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a…
Your resume is a crucial document that summarises the essence of your being to a potential employer. You must grab a personnel director's attention with your sheer, overpowering wonderfulness, or your vitae will wind up lining the bottom of her parakeet's cage. Write a boring resume and you might as well run down now and join the other unemployed grads behind the appliance store, fighting…
A Cat Owner's Story
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the…
TO: ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES
FROM: GOVERNING BORED
DATE: 22 APR 1986
In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought:
- I'm another year older, but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say:
- Happy birthday, dear.
All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So I got myself a cup of…
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular:
- Gosh! If I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.
There was a fish in the water thinking:
- Gosh! If that fly goes down three inches I can eat him.
There was a bear on the shore thinking:
- Gosh! If that fly goes down three inches... that fish will jump for…
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed…
